We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
