I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
