theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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