I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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