Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
