i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
