Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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