If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
