Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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