i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
