Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
