just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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