I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
