She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
