My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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