Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.

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(316): View more from Kansas

sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.

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(503): View more from Oregon

when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?

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(+44): View more from England

Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.

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(773): View more from Illinois

will power is for people who don't want to get laid

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.

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(419): View more from Ohio

HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.

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