shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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