he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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