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I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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