Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
