So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
