she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
