so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
