I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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