I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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