I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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