I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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