i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
