and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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