dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
