I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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