if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
