If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
