When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
