Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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