He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
