Is it because I queefed?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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