somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
