We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
