She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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