Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
