just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
