I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
