if you like me you must not know who I am
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
