dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
