Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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