I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
