I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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