i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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