she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
